I had no clue how hard this was going to be. You see that little pink line on the pregnancy test and all you can think about is the future and how amazing and wonderful it is going to be to have another little baby to love. Then your 2-year-old comes tearing into the room yelling “Mommy! Mommy!” and you think “Oh Lord what have we done?!” I’d be lying if I said I haven’t had several of those moments over the course of this pregnancy.
The thing is, I am absolutely THRILLED to be pregnant. I’m so crazy in love with this little girl and she’s not even here yet. I keep thinking about all the wonderful and amazing things we’re going to do together, then I look at Braden and I feel guilty. I feel like I’m taking a piece of his Mommy away from him. His whole world is going to be completely turned upside down. It worries me. I’m dealing, but not all that well.
Today was one of the really hard days. We have to start working on the nursery and getting it ready for the baby, so I took Braden up there and took some pictures of him in it with all of his stuff before we started. I love his nursery. We have so many wonderful memories in that room – painting it to get it ready for him, snuggling in the chair reading stories, countless hours of nursing, me standing over the crib in the middle of the night watching him sleep, singing to his stuffed animals.. oh and the projectile vomit, the many nights we were up with him when he was sick with ear infections.. I’ll miss that too.
I don’t know if it’s the hormones or me just being a sap, but I sat in his nursery and cried tonight. I miss my baby boy, but I just love and adore the little boy that he is now and I cannot wait to see who he is going to become. I can’t wait to see him as a big brother, hugging and kissing and loving his little sister like only he can. Truth is, I know in my heart he’s going to be okay. He’s such an amazing and sweet little guy. His heart is SO full of love for everyone. I just worry. I guess that is what parents do.
Sometimes I worry that I won’t be able to love our second child as much as I love Braden. I know, that’s ridiculous, but I worry. At the same time, I can’t wait to meet her. I can’t wait to wrap her up in my arms and snuggle her and kiss her toes and welcome her into our family. I’m just full of contradictions today, aren’t I.
Okay enough of that, or I’m going to start sobbing again. I took a ton of pictures of the nursery, these are just a few.. hopefully I’ll have some to share of B’s big boy room (aka the Choo-Choo room) and the new nursery all decked out for our baby girl!
The crib should be here in 2-3 weeks.
