Throwing Out the Scale

I’m throwing out my scale.  Okay, not really, but I am in theory.

I’ve never really been a little person.  Even when I was in high school and going to gymnastics twice a week and cheerleading practice nearly every day after school, I never really felt little.  I’ve always been in pretty good shape, but never really felt skinny.  That’s never been more true than last summer.  I remember looking at pictures of me at Mackenzie’s first birthday party and being absolutely horrified.  I’d taken the whole “you can eat whatever you want while breastfeeding” thing a little too far.  Thirty pounds too far, to be exact.  I wasn’t exercising at all and kept blaming it on how tired I was, thanks to a sweet baby girl who was still getting up 2-3 times every night to nurse.  Once I took a good, hard look at myself in those pictures, I realized that something had to give.

Mackenzie’s 1st Birthday Party

We decided it was time to night wean Mackenzie, so Adam started handling all of her night wakings and I had no more excuses.  I started logging my calories in My Fitness Pal again (with an extra 200 calories per day since I am still nursing) and started Couch to 5K again.  I had forgotten how good it felt to run.  It relieves so much stress and I feel like I’m a better and more patient person on the days I run.  I was really enjoying waking up early and running before the sun and my kids were up.  It was my time to do something that was just for me, to listen to my music, to clear my head.  It wasn’t long and the weight started to fall off, I was shocked at how easy it was.

at Disney World in October

By the beginning of October, I was down 20 pounds and feeling really good.  I wasn’t at my goal, but I was comfortable in my skin and in my clothes again.  I kept up with the running and tracking calories through the holidays and by the end of January, hit my goal of losing 30 pounds.  Then the scale stopped moving.  No matter what I ate, how much I ran, it just didn’t move.  I’ve read that when you’re training for long distance races, it can be hard to lose weight, so I really didn’t stress too much.  I gave myself a break.  I was constantly hungry thanks to the long miles I was running, so I ate.  Sometimes healthy stuff, sometimes not, and I didn’t gain weight.  I didn’t lose any either.  I had this goal weight stuck in my head though and I wanted to get there.  It’s 10 pounds away from where I am now and it’s what I weighed in high school.

me in high school

You know what’s crazy though?  I may weigh 10 pounds more now than I did then, but I’m smaller now.  Healthier too.  I had to go buy some new jeans and shorts recently because mine were literally falling off of me and they’re a full 2 sizes smaller than I wore in high school.  Not only that, they weren’t falling off of me at the end of January.  Sure they were a bit big, but they at least stayed up without the help of a belt.  So really, what’s the point of killing myself to try to lose the “last 10 pounds”?  Why do I care what the number on the scale says when clearly I’m in a much better place now?  I’m stronger, more fit, healthier.

in February at the Princess Half

I don’t care.  But I do.  I decided to give myself a break and stop worrying about weighing a certain amount.  I’m going to enjoy life and as long as my clothes fit comfortably and I feel good in my skin, that’s what’s matters.  Last month, I was talking with a new friend Christina about struggles with weight and she told me that looking at me, she didn’t think I was the type of person that ever had to struggle with weight, that I looked like one of those people who was just naturally thin and fit.  I never thought anyone would say that about me, but perhaps I should stop being so hard on myself.  Nobody ever sees the size on the tag in my pants, they don’t see the number on the scale.. they see me outside running races, chasing my kids around without getting winded, living and loving my life.  So sure, maybe I’ll never weigh what I did in high school again, but I think I’m finally at a place where I am good with that.